Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
