i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
