Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
