I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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