No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
