Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
