so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
