He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
