it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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