also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
