i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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