Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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