i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
