Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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