You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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