FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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