He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
