It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
