Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
