I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
