He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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