Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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