So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
