My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just gift wrapped bread.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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