If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
