I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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