I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
