Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
