I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
