Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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