I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
