If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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