hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
