Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize