11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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