He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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