i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
