Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
