OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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