Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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