She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
