My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
