I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
