So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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