the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
