If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
