My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
