I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
