Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
