I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.†I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
