if only i could text you this smell
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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