My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So much Jack, so little girl.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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