i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
