im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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