clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
