i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
