Moan for me like Helen Keller
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
