just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
