i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
