the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
