I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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