So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
