Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize