This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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