You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
