Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You smell like stripper and shame
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize